New Year, New Beginnings: Stephy’s Place Lends Support to Ease the Pain of Loss

Sometimes, the most beautiful of places of light and peace are born from the darkest shadows of sadness and grief. Stephy’s Place, a Support Center for Grief and Loss located in Red Bank, NJ, is just such a place.

Founding director Sheila Martello knows all too well the effects of unimaginable loss, after losing her husband in the horrific events of September 11. She and others who had lost loved ones on that tragic day were guided through their sad journey with a support group that met weekly in the upper room at Holy Cross Church in Rumson, NJ. It gave them a place to go, to grieve, to vent, and to express themselves, and it forged strong bonds of support and friendship.

The years passed as Sheila and the others learned to move on with their lives and raise their families, but she never forgot the value of the support group. Then, she received a message from a woman whose sister, Stephy Hardman Kaminoff, had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The women met and a bond was forged. Sheila was moved by Stephy’s resolve in the face of what she knew would inevitably happen, and that her primary concern was not for herself, but for her sisters and her three children who would be left behind to deal with their grief.

Stephy passed away in April of 2014, and in spring of 2015, Sheila shared her story with the members of her own support group. Her wish was to establish a “safe place,” similar to that which they had, to offer support to anyone suffering the loss of a loved one in any way. Everyone immediately agreed – and so, the vision of Stephy’s Place was born. The group spread the news, reaching out to determine the need in the community for this kind of support. In August of 2015, a meeting was held at the Knights of Columbus hall in Fair Haven, and 178 people showed up. Clearly, there was a need – and a need for space. Elaine Chevalier, another woman from the September 11 support group who had lost her 26-year-old son, Swede, offered space in the Red Bank office building she owned, which is also named for her son.

The group soon turned it into a warm and welcoming environment – rather than an oversized, sterile venue with metal folding chairs – with several different rooms to accommodate groups of various sizes, as well as more personal, one-on-one meetings. The rooms are decorated with soft colors, accented by the warmth of flickering candles and comfortable furnishings – all designed to create a tranquil atmosphere where every guest can feel relaxed and safe and at home. Their mission is to help those dealing with the loss of a loved one to move forward as they are forced to face a new reality, including handling the practical demands of everyday life, through the support of others who have also experienced loss.

“Throughout our own grief journeys,” the founders explain, “we have found comfort in the compassionate presence of others who understand our struggle. We have created Stephy’s Place – a free, “safe place” for anyone who has suffered a loss – with the sole purpose of sharing faith, hope, and love.” To date, there is no other facility or program in the area like it.

“Each grief is unique,” Sheila noted, “with all different circumstances. People will ask ‘What if?’ and ‘Why?’ We have no choice of how a loved one dies, but we have a choice of how to move forward, and whether to take the bitter road or the better road.” Participants at Stephy’s Place are guided in self-care and self-compassion, and provided with carefully chosen books, journals, and other materials to help them on their journey of understanding and working through their grief.

Recognizing that there are different types of loss, Stephy’s Place has grown to offer a total of 19 support groups, with close to 200 participants, for the loss of a spouse or partner, loss of a child, loss due to suicide, loss of a sibling, and adult loss of a parent. There has also been an interest in support for loss due to divorce, with more participants needed to form a group. Each new group is formed with a minimum of three people, up to a maximum of 10 or 11. Each session is one hour, under the guidance of a trained facilitator. They also provide meditation sessions. “This is not counseling or therapy,” Sheila explains. “It is peer support and the companionship of those who are bereaved.” Some participants stay for eight to 12 weeks; others stay longer. Many exchange emails and texts and form important friendships.

As a nonprofit organization, Stephy’s Place relies upon donations in order to operate. All of the services they offer are completely free of charge to those who attend, although the cost to Stephy’s Place is $800 per person, per year. They gratefully invite individuals, groups, and businesses throughout the community to consider lending monetary support so that they, in turn, can offer priceless support to those who need it most. Every dollar raised goes directly to Stephy’s Place and the services they provide.

Stephy’s Place is located on the second floor in the Swede Chevalier Building, 210 West Front Street, Suite 209, Red Bank, NJ. Parking is available. To find out more for yourself or for someone you know, or to donate, visit www.stephysplace.org, call (732) 614-1142, or email info@StephysPlace.org.